Anybody else happy to be done with February? I had a bit of a rocky one, so coming into a new month feels like a breath of fresh air. I’ve got some thoughts about what I want to do this month, and now I’m going to talk about them!
That ‘brutalmoose-style’ video
I mentioned previously about a new video I was excited about because it harkened back to the day of earlier brutalmoose. I completed the video, then shuffled my schedule around and released a brutalfoods first instead. My plan was to release this brutalmoosey video the following weekend, but when I rewatched it I really didn’t love it as much as I thought I did. I’m sure it’s fine and I’ve just looked at it too long, but for whatever reason I was less enthusiastic about it and got cold feet about posting. I wasn’t really sure what I should do with the video, until I realized ‘oh yeah I have a second channel’. So that video will be going up on the second channel sometime this week!
After remembering that I have a second channel, I was like “Oh yeah I planned on using that some more, didn’t I?” And I instantly got some really fun ideas for second channel videos. I want to work on some of those these month, because I really do think I need to work on some lower effort (and lower exposure) content after finishing my latest brutalfoods. They might get a little interactive? We’ll see…
I will not lie, I have been enjoying my unplanned vacation from streaming. Juggling videos and streams at the same time can be so stressful for me, but last month I was just so busy with video shit that I didn’t even have time to think about going live. Well, now I have some time to think about it. Game streams still don’t sound all that interesting to me right now, I just don’t feel like a huge gamer at the moment, but I do still want to explore some other “IRL” stream ideas… Let me know if you have something that I could do that seems fun and simple. I’m trying not to do any specific date estimates about anything because I am famously terrible with meeting my timeline goals, but it is on my radar. I know it’s been a while.
I want to do something new on my main channel, but at the same time I’m honestly growing a little afraid of my main channel. brutalfoods has just gotten so popular. Which is seriously awesome. But at the same time being on such a large stage is super scary for me, even if it is a digital one and I’ve been doing this for 7 years. That could also be another reason why I’ve shied away from streaming a little, honestly, I’ve got that mad stage fright.
I really proud of how far I’ve gotten on YouTube, I’m just hitting a moment where I feel like I need to step up my game a little if I’m going to be seen by so many eyeballs. I really want to produce slam-dunk content on my main channel, and I don’t want to get too used to a routine or anything like that… so I am thinking of taking some chances in the future. Also more brutalfoods too at some point (next month?), because I’d like to take some more chances from within that format, too.
So I’ve finally made a decision about Patreon! I was so close to closing it completely, but some messages from longtime Patrons and my fondness for having viewer names appear at the end of my videos have swayed me. I’ll make a longer post about this over on Patreon, but going forward I think I’m just going to pause it whenever I feel like I’m not producing enough content to justify even having a Patreon in the first place. I think that I need to reframe Patreon in my mind. Change it from being a “pressure to perform” into a “motivation to deliver.” If that makes any sense. I’ll write a post for Patreon soon, I’ve honestly just been nervous to write it. Update posts are stress-inducing! Anyway on with my update post.
Believe it or not I am still chipping away at developing some type of digital interactive experience. Lately I’ve been working with a Unity plugin called uModeler and holy shit, it has changed everything. It’s an expensive asset, but I’m designing levels so much faster than when I was trying to model them in Blender and import them into Unity. My hope is to build a small adventure experience that I can share and then possibly expand into something bigger if I want. Or maybe I’ll just start something new afterwards. But I’m trying to keep this one small, because I have a habit of letting my imagination get a little out of control and then my idea grows too big to complete. This is still a long ways out, I just like talking about it a little bit.
Is that everything? I think so. If I sound a little all over the place it’s because I am, haha. And if it sounds like I’m a little anxious, it’e because I am. The lockdown is really, like… I’m over it. It’s hard to produce fun and lighthearted content when I don’t go out and do anything anymore, you know? You write what you know, and my videos and streams typically coincide with my interests at the time, but it’s hard to be interested in anything when you’re not really doing anything. It can be hard to entertain when you’re just like cooped up and stressed and… again, just over it. I know I’ve got it easy in the grand scheme of things, but man. This shit just sucks for everybody. Stab me with the vaccination, I’m ready to be stabbed and then go to the arcade again.
Also hey thanks for reading this blog and leaving comments and stuff! It’s been really fun using this website to connect with everybody instead of a larger social network. The internet is just so intimidating to me right now, I just want to hide away in my little website hole.
holy crap 🙂 I mean i’ve been a fan of your content for like four years now and I just enjoy how real you are? Like I can tell you’re really genuine and that you want to give your fans the best content possible, and I appreciate that. I’m so excited for your new stuff!! I really relate to feeling pressured to create something once you have an audience for it so like I gotcha, just know that most of us will just be glad to watch something you’re proud of (or even not). Thanks for reading this, if you… Read more »
Thank you, Julia! I appreciate you sticking with me for 4 whole years, that’s a long time to know me haha! I also appreciate the encouragement! It fuels me to create more things. Thank you again!
Hey man, in regards to the stream, never forget that you can just do a “just chatting” stream. From the last stream that you did (and the few before that to be honest) I could tell that you seemed a little uncomfortable while playing a game either due all the alerts or the chat or something. However, during the second half of the stream you seemed to really get more relaxed when you were just talking to chat without having to play a game or do an activity. Plus, it seems like a good way to get some sense of… Read more »
Juggling a game, chat, and donation/sub messages can definitely be a lot, and I am absolutely the kind of person where if something doesn’t go as planned, I get very… uh.. emotional about it lmao! And with so many people showing up there are bound to be a few curveballs. Not to mention that I have technical issues so often. I think some more relaxed streams could be a good way to go to try and avoid some of that junk. Too bad I don’t have any shelves to build, I’d love to do that again. You definitely don’t seem… Read more »
Hi Ian! I know that it’s like, who I am, right?, but if it’s any consultation from a fan of a few years, I think you are so extremely deserving of the growing fan base, and that a majority of people will love anything that you produce as long as it’s something you’re passionate about, and is true to you and your style. I know I am always here for any Brutalmoose video; I think something experimental would be really cool and fun! In terms of stream suggestions, I know that I really enjoyed the DVD cataloging stream; maybe something… Read more »
Hey it’s Rachel!
Thank you so much for the encouraging words. I know that by now I probably should have mastered the art of having an audience, but it seems to be something I’ve got to actively work at for now. I definitely want to do some more streams along the lines of the DVD cataloging stream… in fact, I probably need to do that again anyway haha.
Thanks again, I appreciate the support!
I’m excited for more second channel content! I don’t know, quite a few of the youtubers I watch have been getting second channels recently, and I’ve been enjoying that more relaxed, informal style of content. It kinda takes me back to, like, the early 2010s when Youtube was a much more informal place. I don’t mind you not streaming. I’m just glad I can throw one of my favorite creators some of my Bezos bucks every month. I also liked your DVD collection organizing stream, maybe something like that? Do you still have any Yugioh packs lying around? RTGames sometimes… Read more »
Always love hearing from you Ian! I had a though if you don’t want to play games on your stream, maybe you could do some kind of kits? Whether they’re food kits or some kind of toy kits I personally wouldn’t mind but it’s just a thought I had. Either way, I just like seeing anything you produce so I’ll be excited for just about anything!
First off, I love reading these posts. It’s so nice getting to hear your thoughts every now and then. I hope you enjoy writing them as much as we enjoy reading them. I’ll also say that I really sympathize with all the stress and anxiety you mentioned because anxiety’s been a major part of my life especially in the past year. I can always feel a little bit better though when I put on one of your videos. Thank you for all the wonderful content, Ian! Here’s wishing you the best!
Thanks so much, Cake! I’m glad you enjoy the blog posts, it definitely has been nice to write them. I really need to do more that aren’t just updates! Hopefully we’re headed to some less anxious times.
What about the big project?
Still in production! I really shouldn’t have talked about it so early, in retrospect. It’ll be a while but I’m still determined to complete it!
I always look forward to your updates on here Ian, I’m also ready to get stabbed with the vaccine and move on.
When Covid is over and it’s safe to go out again I’d love to see some more arcade trip videos or travel vlogs (That is if you want to make videos like that).
Hope you are doing okay otherwise! Looking forward to seeing the game stuff you’re working on!
You know, that’s one of the reasons I like this site too. It feels a little more isolated from everything else and that’s nice, even if reclusiveness probably isn’t the healthiest emotional practice at the moment. Glad to hear you decided to keep the Patreon going as I’ve been wanting to support for a little while. Your content takes effort, your work is real work, and you deserve to be compensated for it! I totally understand what you mean about the “going live” aspect of streaming (I always prefer to work in the studio as opposed to playing shows). Fortunately… Read more »
Honestly, the pressure to perform is super intimidating. Especially coming off previous successes. I can’t imagije doing in front of as many eyeballs as you have. Hopefully you know that those of us that are subscribed are here for the board game, and Gerbert, and Mystery Tapes, and Soda Drinkers, too. Not just the super popular BrutalFoods. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we love them. Just be you, and the fans will follow along, I’m sure!!
As one of these “new eyeballs” staring at your content, I feel a little responsible for your possible “fear”. Honestly, if your main channel has exploded, it’s because you’re great. Nobody expects you to “step up” your game; we’re watching you because we already love your content. (Maybe I misunterstood your thoughts, but one of my favorite youtubers had this issue and ended up leaving the internet forever, and I don’t want that to happen to anyone else). Of course, that doesn’t mean that “stepping up” your game is bad, not at all. As I said, I’m just fearful that… Read more »
Haha thank you Ludmarus! Nobody is to blame for my fears, I think it’s probably just the result of an introvert striking it big on YouTube. I’m super grateful for every view, it’s just that I’m a ‘small crowds’ kind of guy so I get a bit intimidated sometimes. And for the record, I’m not in any danger of leaving the internet forever. You guys are stuck with me for the foreseeable future. Thank you for the pep talk! You’re totally right in that I shouldn’t focus too much on “stepping up my game” just for the sake of stepping… Read more »
Hey ! Feels good to have some news from you ! I won’t repeat what others have said (Okay, I will : don’t put too much pressure on you, what we like is your content as it is and every video don’t need to be a slam dunk, what I like about your content is that it helps me relax because you talk about things you enjoy, yes some of your videos are very funny and I love them but the one I got back and watch again the most are the Mistery tape videos that maybe aren’t as exciting… Read more »
Your English is really good and very easy to understand!
Hi Ian! Brutalfoods has grown quite a bit bigger, but I would not worry too much about stepping it up. Just keep editing things in unexpected ways and keep being Ian and you will be fine. And I too am over the lockdown. Tuesday will mark the one year anniversary of my state being shut down. And winter has made everything worse, as now I can’t even go for a walk. Just stab me with a vaccine and let me go do stuff. Well, I hope we get back to normal and that you continue to make stuff for us… Read more »
Hey Ian, glad to hear you’re alright – February surely didn’t feel like the shortest month of the year, or this decade for that matter. March will be a better month for all of us. Brighter days ahead! I’m really glad that you have decided to post that “classic” video on your second channel, even though I am firmly confident you got cold feet for nothing in this case. I gotta say, it’s refreshing to see somebody who is as humble as you are despite having more than enough reason to be way more confident in your own worth. Were… Read more »
The internet certainly feels like a different universe than what it was even just 5 years ago. And being stuck in my room during this pandemic also feels like its been 5 years! A little bit of normalcy would be a nice change of pace. I would love to see some low-key content on moose2! Sometimes I prefer moose2 just for it being smaller and more interactive (that goes for this site too) I’ve also been able to finish or continue projects that I’ve delayed for so long cause YouTube and Twitch (as much as love them) can be a… Read more »
Hey Ian! I’m really loving this website and your updates. Definitely feeling “over it” as you said, and just really over everything at this point lol. Gonna be honest, I’m a fairly new fan! I’ve just recently discovered your channel and my boyfriend and I have been binge watching your stuff everyday. I can 100% say you’re my favorite youtuber easily. You’re incredibly genuine and absolutely hilarious. With that being said, I don’t think you should get too in your head about trying to appease new viewers with something more produced or extravagant. I just want you to create content… Read more »
I’ve been watching you almost since the beginning (I was in 5th grade when I started watching your channel, and now I’m about to start college). I adore how you’ve been mixing things up, everything new you try has always been a treat to me. Keep it up!
Brutal jigsaw puzzle streams sound pretty chill.
You know what that does actually sound kind of fun… I used to do jigsaw puzzles all the time!
Yay! I love checking your website for updates like this, it feels more personal when having a smaller crowd to speak in front of!
Maybe your main channel could be for bigger projects/safer videos, with more experimental videos going on your second channel? Everyone who is following your second channel must already be a big fan of your content and personality!
Love your stuff Ian, and I’d be glad if you opened up your patreon again! TAKE MY MONEY!
Also for stream ideas i’d LOVE to see you do some building videos, like legos or something lol
Hey Ian! I just wanted to say how grateful iam that you took the time to reply to me in such great detail on your guest book. You wouldn’t imagine how much it meant to me hearing what you had to say. Im genuinely sorry for bringing a bit of negativity to your awesome website. I look forward to seeing any content you make in the future
Hey not a problem Ace! I’m happy to clear things up. No need to apologize for anything, I appreciate you hearing me out. Going forward I’ll try to be better about handling that kind of thing on stream. Just because it’s out of my comfort zone doesn’t mean I have to come to a sputtering stop.
Dude, this is a really nice breakdown! I have been given the sudden opportunity to revisit things I haven’t done in a while and reading your current standings feels encouraging. I, too, can pick up a new project after an unplanned vacation. Suffices to say, use those outlets, do your own timing, and thanks for letting us support you. IRL ideas – spring cleaning season coming up? A video about your mics to match the one about your camera history? something chill or basic you can teach ESPECIALLY if it’s mostly bs (how to brush a cat, how to braid,… Read more »
i posted over on patreon too, but I’m glad you kept it open because I really do enjoy being able to support you (and also I like seeing my name in the video credits haha). I’m glad you have your own website, the internet in general sometimes feels too big for me too, so sometimes I just hang out on neopets where there are only like 5 other people lol. This website feels very secluded and nice in the same way haha
“It’s been really fun using this website to connect with everybody instead of a larger social network.”
Can I just say how much I love that you do this? I miss WEBSITES, in the 2010s everything converged onto social media, and it just seemed like there weren’t “websites” anymore.Your site here is really nice and I always look forward to these update blogs.
Looking forward to the new stuff!
I totally miss the smaller vibe of websites too, even though I knew it for a shorter time. Social media has just become so … bleh the past few years. The “big audience” aspect has turned from wowing me to scaring me away, and I hope I can find more small communities like this to hide in. I’ve noticed that Discord helps a lot too, though it’s still a little big sometimes.
I can’t imagine it was your purpose for the email and this post, but you’ve convinced me to increase my patreon contribution. Glad to support you, even if only in a small way!
I also miss when web videos were less popular/centralized, and each channel was its own little secret website like this one. Kat Blaque said something to this effect a while back; how she’s grateful for her growth and for her community, but how she also misses when her channel was a private diary perused by some 100 strangers. And I’ve been watching reruns of rAwTiMe, a sacrilegious act in itself since it’s a public access show from a city I’ve never lived in before I was born. But I’m sad that we don’t really have public access anymore. Of course… Read more »
I hope I speak for a lot of people when I say that I’m happy with whatever you put out into the world. No joke, I will watch/read/play/ect whatever you what to produce, I just wanna support you 🙂 I am also ready to be stabbed with the vaccine, hopefully that’ll happen soon haha. As for this website, I love it. The blog style feels so homey and nice 🙂
Get ready for the third wave of lock downs sadly. 🙁 politicians never waste a crisis
Hey dude, you do you. I think we’re all feeling the isolation burn. It’s really hard to feel interesting or interested when it’s the same four walls and the same like 1-3 people every day for over a year. It seems like you’re pretty good at doing what’s best for your brain, which is awesome and you should keep it up. We’ll be around whenever you put stuff out there.
Also wow have I ever missed blogs and commenting on them. I’m glad you have this little thing!
Hey Ian! I understand why you’re so anxious, and it’s ok to feel like this. I feel like if we weren’t still locked down emotions and stuff would just be easier to deal with, you know? Still, I’m looking forward to that new video on Moose2 this week! Something you could try for IRL streams is maybe putting together a puzzle or some sort of modeling kit. It’d be something laid-back that you could do so you could talk to chat while also having something else to divert your attention to when needed. Hopefully that gets your gears goin for… Read more »
I can’t wait to see all the cool new videos Ian!
Hey moose! I hope you’re doing well among a crappy/wild/stupid time in history. I just wanted to reach out and say that as a viewer, I’m keen for whatever you are interested in doing! BrutalMoose to me is a chill variety channel and I enjoy everything you put up on it.
It must be intimidating to have a large audience, but I think most would share this sentiment. Keep doing what you love!
Longtime lurker first time poster. Hope you’ve been staying safe and well through the lockdown. Got a donation and a big note for an upcoming stream. Love the new content and totally stoked for your return to the arcade (after getting poked of course). You might like getting back on the Coin Game for a stream between now and then, he’s added a ton of new stuff that I’ve been playing on, even new locations. Coming for your Popcorn Pete score too! Take care and stay safe,
Ugggh. I absolutely feel you about the stress of being inclosed all of the time. There’s just so little to produce interest.
Seeing your videos pop up in my recommended always brightens my day! It never matters when or how often – I always enjoy new insights and gags from you. I hope that alleviates some of the burden of the artist’s block involved in creating. I’ve been watching your content for a few years now, and it never fails to make me laugh or smile.
In regards to your last paragraph, I have to say there’s something so comforting about having a more personalized space to share your thoughts via blog post, rather than sharing them on a broader social network. The internet has changed a lot through the years and I too have grown tiresome of the vastness of social media, and find it very refreshing to connect with a creator I like through the means of your own website.
Hi! I just want to say I really enjoy your videoes and your humor 🙂
What about a twitch stream of poppin cooking or trying some treats from a different country. Something casual and fun.