Anybody else happy to be done with February? I had a bit of a rocky one, so coming into a new month feels like a breath of fresh air. I’ve got some thoughts about what I want to do this month, and now I’m going to talk about them!
That ‘brutalmoose-style’ video
I mentioned previously about a new video I was excited about because it harkened back to the day of earlier brutalmoose. I completed the video, then shuffled my schedule around and released a brutalfoods first instead. My plan was to release this brutalmoosey video the following weekend, but when I rewatched it I really didn’t love it as much as I thought I did. I’m sure it’s fine and I’ve just looked at it too long, but for whatever reason I was less enthusiastic about it and got cold feet about posting. I wasn’t really sure what I should do with the video, until I realized ‘oh yeah I have a second channel’. So that video will be going up on the second channel sometime this week!
After remembering that I have a second channel, I was like “Oh yeah I planned on using that some more, didn’t I?” And I instantly got some really fun ideas for second channel videos. I want to work on some of those these month, because I really do think I need to work on some lower effort (and lower exposure) content after finishing my latest brutalfoods. They might get a little interactive? We’ll see…
I will not lie, I have been enjoying my unplanned vacation from streaming. Juggling videos and streams at the same time can be so stressful for me, but last month I was just so busy with video shit that I didn’t even have time to think about going live. Well, now I have some time to think about it. Game streams still don’t sound all that interesting to me right now, I just don’t feel like a huge gamer at the moment, but I do still want to explore some other “IRL” stream ideas… Let me know if you have something that I could do that seems fun and simple. I’m trying not to do any specific date estimates about anything because I am famously terrible with meeting my timeline goals, but it is on my radar. I know it’s been a while.
I want to do something new on my main channel, but at the same time I’m honestly growing a little afraid of my main channel. brutalfoods has just gotten so popular. Which is seriously awesome. But at the same time being on such a large stage is super scary for me, even if it is a digital one and I’ve been doing this for 7 years. That could also be another reason why I’ve shied away from streaming a little, honestly, I’ve got that mad stage fright.
I really proud of how far I’ve gotten on YouTube, I’m just hitting a moment where I feel like I need to step up my game a little if I’m going to be seen by so many eyeballs. I really want to produce slam-dunk content on my main channel, and I don’t want to get too used to a routine or anything like that… so I am thinking of taking some chances in the future. Also more brutalfoods too at some point (next month?), because I’d like to take some more chances from within that format, too.
So I’ve finally made a decision about Patreon! I was so close to closing it completely, but some messages from longtime Patrons and my fondness for having viewer names appear at the end of my videos have swayed me. I’ll make a longer post about this over on Patreon, but going forward I think I’m just going to pause it whenever I feel like I’m not producing enough content to justify even having a Patreon in the first place. I think that I need to reframe Patreon in my mind. Change it from being a “pressure to perform” into a “motivation to deliver.” If that makes any sense. I’ll write a post for Patreon soon, I’ve honestly just been nervous to write it. Update posts are stress-inducing! Anyway on with my update post.
Believe it or not I am still chipping away at developing some type of digital interactive experience. Lately I’ve been working with a Unity plugin called uModeler and holy shit, it has changed everything. It’s an expensive asset, but I’m designing levels so much faster than when I was trying to model them in Blender and import them into Unity. My hope is to build a small adventure experience that I can share and then possibly expand into something bigger if I want. Or maybe I’ll just start something new afterwards. But I’m trying to keep this one small, because I have a habit of letting my imagination get a little out of control and then my idea grows too big to complete. This is still a long ways out, I just like talking about it a little bit.
Is that everything? I think so. If I sound a little all over the place it’s because I am, haha. And if it sounds like I’m a little anxious, it’e because I am. The lockdown is really, like… I’m over it. It’s hard to produce fun and lighthearted content when I don’t go out and do anything anymore, you know? You write what you know, and my videos and streams typically coincide with my interests at the time, but it’s hard to be interested in anything when you’re not really doing anything. It can be hard to entertain when you’re just like cooped up and stressed and… again, just over it. I know I’ve got it easy in the grand scheme of things, but man. This shit just sucks for everybody. Stab me with the vaccination, I’m ready to be stabbed and then go to the arcade again.
Also hey thanks for reading this blog and leaving comments and stuff! It’s been really fun using this website to connect with everybody instead of a larger social network. The internet is just so intimidating to me right now, I just want to hide away in my little website hole.